A few years ago, I was involved in setting up the First Parish web site and email mailing lists. We have three mailing lists: one for announcements, one for the Parishioner (our newsletter), and one for discussion. Today I'd like to talk about the discussion list.

Now, the First Parish discussion list is a very interesting phenomenon. It's sort of like a never-ending talkback. We talk about church services, current events, and any other topic under the sun. As with all discussions at First Parish, things sometimes get a bit heated. But it's all in a context of love and mutual respect. At least, usually.

Sometimes it seems that if you're not on email, you're not really part of the church. But that's not really true. The First Parish discussion list is not the be all and the end all of the church. It's just one part of the church, one stream through which our waters flow. Our church has many streams that feed and form our community: Sunday morning services, Tuesday meditations, circle suppers, potlucks, committees, social action, religious education, and so forth. Each of us contributes to and drinks from one or more of these streams. Together, they form the mighty river that is First Parish.

Our email discussion list is a young stream and it runs lightly over the land, with many strange bends and rapids. Now I've been using email discussion lists for about twenty years and I keep seeing the same scenery, again and again. Flame wars, urban legends, and so forth. I've decided that this isn't just a coincidence. There are a few basic facts about email and about human nature that make these things happen and I think we should keep this in mind during our journey.

The first thing to remember is that email is different from other means of communication: letters, phone calls, or face-to-face conversation.

First of all, people exchanging email can't see or hear each other. That's good because there's no prejudice based on your appearance. Unfortunately, this takes away all the little cues that we rely on, like tone of voice and facial expressions. You can't tell when somebody is joking. And you can't tell when you've offended someone. This makes it hard to keep our email in a loving, caring context.

Also, email is often sent in the heat of the moment. To paraphrase that old Kashmiri proverb, "email in haste, repent at leisure." Oliver North and many others have learned this lesson. And I have learned it myself many times over. I'd get all stoked up about something and send a fiery email to a big mailing list. Then I'd regret it for days. And there's no way to take back an email message. Once it's sent, it's preserved forever on backup tapes. These days, when I'm tempted to send a real flame, I take a breather first. Or I write the flame and just send it to myself. If I still feel like flaming in the morning, I can always do so then.

Just one more thing about email. I have noticed that it's very hard to reach agreement on things over email. For one thing, it's very tempting to say extreme things in email that you would never say in person. And you don't have that moderating influence of looking someone in the eye and seeing that they're a human being too. And some people don't read their email too often. So just when you think something's decided, somebody joins the discussion and you're back to square one.

So what is email good for? It's great for announcements and newsletters (although the web is good for these, too). And it's a great way to stay in touch with family and friends. For discussion, it's OK as long as you keep a few things in mind. First, the discussion list is just one part of the church. Don't forget the other ones. Second, try to keep a loving context. Don't flame. Third, "email in haste, repent at leisure." And last, have fun.