“The Beloved Community Re-Dux: Taking a Practical Look”

A Sermon by Betty Kornitzer

Delivered on Sunday, February 24, 2002

At the First Parish in Bedford

 

 

Have you noticed that this morning’s sermon has the same title as the one I offered the last time that I stood at this pulpit? But, please, don’t leave yet. I promise that I’ve changed a few words. When I was last here, I suggested that we at First Parish might aspire to embody the concept of Beloved Community espoused by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. His is a vision of transformation. Fueled by the power of love, an ethos of human decency and justice prevails. Dr. King’s words are worth repeating here:

 

“The end (of non-violent protest) is reconciliation, the end is redemption. The end is the creation of the Beloved Community. It is this type of spirit, and this type of love that can transform opposers into friends — it is this type of love that will bring about miracles in the hearts of men.”

 

The Beloved Community is a place of safety and of trust. It is what we at First Parish aspire to be. That’s it, each Sunday we recite what one parishioner has dubbed our Unison Aspiration, which we are striving to achieve. And we do pretty well. There is so much good here — that 1990’s bumper sticker about “Practicing Random Acts of Kindness” would aptly describe much of what we experience as a fellowship. And yet, as in any community, we are in need of growth. We should be most interested in strengthening our sense of trust and safety in community. These are the spiritual treasures that we must hold sacred. I am here to say that above all else, above the sermon, above the music, above the building and the good works, trust and safety are our true communal jewels. It is sometimes easy to lose sight of this priority, especially if we face controversy within our fellowship. And, then being a community of human beings, and not quite angels yet, we may not always respond perfectly. Not because we don’t sincerely want to, not because we don’t care or try. I think that sometimes we just don’t know how best to manifest our true values as a spiritual community. Sometimes we forget to hold our treasures dear. It is then, especially, that we need our hearts to be transformed.

 

In my last sermon I stressed that Love is the solution. And here I go again. Like Dr. King, I do believe that Love is unstoppable, and that it is humanity’s highest hope. And while there are many arenas in which we each live and work and play, today I am talking about this arena at First Parish. I am talking about manifesting love right here in our spiritual home. After my last sermon, a parishioner asked me: “If Love is possible, how could we better do that here?” So, that’s what we’re going to explore together this morning: The solution.

 

I begin by acknowledging that we are in a church, and that my concern is with our spiritual well-being. You might say that the preacher has a bias, and so I do. Where a community seeks progress in developing a culture of safety and trust, it is a spiritual remedy that is needed first. The secular approaches to resolving the problem are crucial; but, I believe that they must rest upon the foundation of an established and consistent spiritual response.

 

I’ve heard it said that organizing Unitarian Universalists is like trying to herd cats, a challenging task to say the least! And we, First Parish, are no exception. We are a bunch of highly intelligent and rugged individuals, articulate and talented in debate. This is a good thing, the agile exchange of ideas and the presence of strong distinct personalities makes First Parish an exciting and fun place to be.

 

Differences are a good thing, they cause us to stretch, to grow and to learn. In my life it took me quite a while to understand that concept. My partner and I have very different views on many topics. For years I thought that I was quite enlightened because I agreed that we should “just see things differently.” I thought that this was very liberal of me, what a lucky guy he was. Later on, I realized that what I was really saying was: “We are different, and you have nothing to teach me.” Today, when he says something that I disagree with I’ve learned to ask him: “Tell me more about that.” And would you believe it, I’ve really learned a lot from what he has to say. It’s one of those win/win situations: I get to see a new perspective, and he gets to feel listened to and understood. We do not learn so much from looking at our mirror images. Differences are a good thing.

 

There can, however, be a danger in rugged individualism, and it has something to do with those darn cats — when threatened, they tend to disperse in all directions. And we at First Parish must ask ourselves: When challenged as a community, where do we gravitate to spiritually? Where is our spiritual core? While I see religious diversity and tolerance as perhaps our greatest strength, I also believe that our liberal religious community needs grounding, a lightning rod to which we gravitate in a storm. In Yeats’ poem, “The Second Coming,” he describes a time in which things fall apart because the center cannot hold. A religious community requires a spiritual center that will hold. We have all the elements of a strong center at First Parish, perhaps what we need is to improve our focus. What I propose today is that, as a community, we seek a spiritual core together in a process of re-covenanting.

 

This spiritual core might be based on our First Unitarian Universalist Principle, upholding the inherent dignity and worth of every person, that one heartbeat that we share. It would acknowledge the Spirit of Life, what many have called the divine spark, in each of us. This notion is reflected in the Sanskrit word Namaste which literally means “That which is holy in me honors that which is holy in you.” This is a statement of devotion to the divine spark in our fellows. Might we at First Parish practice the spirit of Namaste, by honoring the Spirit of Life in one another? This is a spiritual solution. In recognizing and honoring the sacred in one another, we might raise our communal fellowship to a higher plane where trust and safety are truly treasured. And now, my friends, my Beloved Community, I will look you in the eyes and tell you from my heart: Namaste, Namaste, Namaste — I honor the Spirit of Life in you.

 

A covenant is a sacred promise that binds us one to another, and we take it very seriously. The covenantal question involves asking ourselves what is my responsibility, what is it that I must do to honorably fulfill my promise. We have many relationships in this community — to staff, students and even to the physical plant — our covenant should extend to all of these. In re-covenanting we must remember that our goal is transformation, nothing less will do.

 

The artist Georges Braque wrote: “Art is a wound turned to light.” He refers to the transformation of pain into growth and even into beauty. Anguish is thus ripe with opportunities for transformation. If at times as a parishioner, your heart feels distrust, betrayal or hurt, there’s the wound, and we must covenant, as a spiritual community, to turn that wound to light. But how? My experience is that it takes practice — spiritual practice.

 

First, we must each attend to the attitude of our hearts. Remember, our focus is not on blaming, but on change, on transformation. It is our responsibility to become more loving persons. It’s kind of like painting a room, the prep work takes a lot of time. You know, first you spackle the holes, then you sand, and prime, and finally you paint. Spiritual practice is the prep work for life. It is where you prepare your heart for transformation. I have a practice of morning prayer, and sometimes when I’m way late, I just tell God in the shower: “I’ll see you in the car.” But always, everyday, my first prayer is for the Transformation of my heart. It is what I need the most to move forward in this world.

 

I highly recommend devotion to a spiritual practice — be it prayer, journalling, meditation, yoga, or just plain listening. A couple of weeks ago, Jack Patterson and Lori Heninger, Quaker representatives to the United Nations, spoke to us about the transformative affect of true dialogue in healing damaged and conflicted relationships. The speakers asked us to consider our human brokenness, and to ponder who in our lives we need to be in dialogue with. I have heard from more than one parishioner who was moved to action by that question.

 

Well, here’s today’s challenge. Together, let us remember that we are seeking the treasures of safety and of trust, and that all that is required is a bit of transformation. And so, right here and now, I would ask each one of us to sit in silence for a minute, and allow our hearts to answer the question: Who in First Parish do I need to talk to, and to listen to, in order to heal some brokenness — in order to have a transformative experience? Let us be together in silence. (Silence.)

 

If we truly want to grow in safety and trust at First Parish, we must each be willing to enter into the dialogue that we have been invited to in this time of silence. Accepting this call to dialogue is another spiritual practice, and it is part of the solution. May we each have the courage to be so engaged.

 

Here are some thoughts to consider before entering into dialogue, for we all have a lot to learn about true dialogue and listening. Recently I read these words in a Society of Friends journal: “Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives himself to another’s word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to that word.” Here we can recognize that listening is truly an attitude of the heart. And while Listening is an art, sadly it is one that is not practiced enough in our society. However, if we are to feel safe, and if we are to trust, we must feel that we have been heard. Let’s look at how that can be accomplished.

 

In his book The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck writes, “An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience, as far as possible, the speaker’s world from the inside.” I like to compare this kind of listening to hearing the words as melody, attending to the tone, the rhythm and mood. A whole new kind of understanding can be reached through this kind of open-hearted listening. It can connect two souls, and it is transformative.

 

Having prepared our hearts for transformation through spiritual practice, we can turn our attention to complimentary secular approaches. Re-covenanting involves utilizing pragmatic practices of conflict resolution, team building and consensus building. If we are to feel truly safe and trusting in this community, we must learn to better handle disputes in effective, non-destructive ways. In their book, Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Ury tell us that everyone negotiates something every day. They advocate what they call principled negotiation, which avoids a contest of wills, and produces wise decisions without damaging the relationship of the parties. The key to principled negotiation is that the parties relinquish their bargaining positions in favor of expressing their deeper legitimate concerns. The result is that they understand each other’s point of view and end up attacking the problem together, rather than attacking each other. Common ground can be discovered and built upon, and relationships improve. The key here is uncovering concerns before positions become solidified. Doing this in a timely manner is the key to effective problem solving. How might we encourage this at First Parish?

 

I believe that we could move towards transformation by opening all of our meetings with a centering time in which we might tap into our communal spiritual core. During discussions, we might be reminded to listen deeply by observing a 5-second pause between responses. Giving ourselves the time and the quiet to truly hear our fellow’s thoughts and concerns. Wouldn’t it just be amazing if we at First Parish developed a real practice of active listening, and observing the silence — imagine that. We’d be pioneers. These aren’t just pipe dreams, we can do it.

 

Today, team building is a growth industry, just ask the New England Patriots if it works! Teamwork and cooperation are crucial tools for our community to have in our problem solving repertoire. We can learn to frame issues in terms of teamwork, and yes, one can still be a strong individual and be a team player. Friends, we will not loose ourselves if we commit to forming a loving community, paradoxically, I believe that it is there that we will find ourselves. We can see building Beloved Community as part of First Parish’s social responsibility, it is peace-building, and it will send ripples of communal harmony far and wide.

 

Friends, there is so much that we can do to live up to our “Unison Aspiration.” In the past few weeks, I have witnessed moving signs of dialogue and healing and love. We are a truly amazing bunch of people, and together we stand at the threshold of opportunity, let us fling the door open and say Yes to Transformation, Yes to Spiritual Practice and Yes to Trust and Safety. Together we are actively creating our Beloved Community. May it be so. Blessed Be and NAMASTE.